I don't know where I'm going with this

3am and I'm not sleeping,

4am and I'm not dreaming

5am and the sun's coming up,

6am and I've had enough,

There's a bird at my window singing this song,

There's a cat outside that won't shut the fuck up,

The neighbour's dogs are at it again,

And soon their kids will join in the fun,

There's a hole in my head the size of a fist,

There's a hole in my chest the size of a heart,

Lungs are bleeding and nictotine's racing,

But we will just go on playing our part,

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck,

3am and I'm not sleeping,

4am and I'm not dreaming

5am and the sun's coming up,

6am and I've had enough,

My bedroom's littered with bottles and cans,

Ash and smoke fill the air,

Seeping poison,

You just don't care,

Drenched in sweat surfing the net,

Two parts Caffiene, One part blood,

I will lick these wounds,

And our end will come soon,

3am and I'm not sleeping,

4am and I'm not dreaming

5am and the sun's coming up,

6am and I've had enough,

7am and my housemates are up... I don't know where I'm going with this

I see her, I need her, I'd keep her, I'll lose her.

Pop Culture Cliche

(I wonder if you can tell who this might be a stab at )

You just don't get it,

You stupid fucking hypoctrite,

Alternative culture,

You need a suture,

With you what you see is what you get,

Little Britain quotes,

And stupid floppy hair,

You think you look so different but you all look the same,

You and your little cliques can go fuck yourselves,

Cause you're a pop culture cliche,

Always going this same way,

I see you every day,

I'll never forgive you, I'll never forget you,

MORON!

*spoken*

You're less alternative than my dad,

You're more mainstream than my mum,

Take your stupid meaningless lo cal fake rock,

And shove it up your jock,

Strap.

Bitch.

1 Pink Balloon

Honour her, keep her,

Honour him, keep him,

The issue's not the gender,

It's in their stupid heads,

When ignorance and bigotry,

Are overriding fact,

When lies breed more lies,

And they change their tack,

When they call you free,

Then throw their shit so far it sticks like a piece of gum,

And you're left feeling a lone and useless,

It's a scam, it's a falsity,

It's a facade, it's a fake,

There is no choice to make,

It's the way you were born,

They don't understand,

And they'll always be forlorn,

Brotherhood, sisterhood,

We stand together, they stand divided,

If they are right,

Then it feels good to be wrong.

If ever

You have felt worthless. If ever you have felt you don't match up to people's expectations. If ever you thought you were too fat or too thin, or that your nose was too big or that your cock was too small or any other such fucking bullshit like that, you are not alone. Millions of others go through the exact same fears and concerns as you. The simple fact is that we are all different, we all have our own uniqueness about ourselves and there is nothing we can do to change that.

Watch this video... it's the song/music video that launched my love affair with, what is now, one of the most important bands in my life: both creatively and emotionally.

http://www.clevver.com/music/video/17559/antiflag-this-is-the-end-for-you-my-friend.html

Another Episode

fuck.

Maybe I do need help

Territorial Gains

First off the track by track review of 21st century breakdown isn't going to happen. First I cba and second my opinion changes every time I listen to it.

In a nutshell it's got some great songs, some songs that could have been good, and some shit.

All in all a bit of a meh album.

I was gonna now write a poem called Territorial Gains (hence the title) but have got cold feet now. So here's my idea for a first album track listing for a band:

Insert Band Name Here - Our First Album

1. Introduction (everyone has one nowadays)
2. The Album Starts Here
3. The First Single
4. We aren't quite sure about this song
5. Filler Track 1
6. Filler Track 2
7. The Really Heavy One in the Middle That Everyone Loves
8. Filler Track 3
9. The Second Single
10. The Acoustic One.
11. The Closer
12. Ten Minutes of Silence
13. That fucking hidden track that wakes you up if you fall asleep listening to this record!

--------

 In a more serious train of thought these are the titles for songs I'm writing atm:

Pop Culture Cliche

1 Pink Balloon

Lancashire Calling

I Don't Know Where I'm Going With This

- There were two others but I've forgotten them.

Peace, Love, Unity.

XxxxXxxxX

Just Briliant!

This made me laugh so hard.

Review of 21st Century Breakdown coming tomorrow... so far I'm unimpressed. :(

David Mamet, you genius!

Way to make me feel fucking good about myself and, in danger of inflating my depressingly flat ego these days, I would like to draw your attention to the following!

"If you decide to be an actor, stick to your decision.The folks you meet in supposed positions of authority -- critics, teachers, casting directors -- will, in the main, be your intellectual and moral inferiors. They will lack your imagination, which is why they become bureaucrats rather than artists; and they will lack your fortitude, having elected institutional support over a life of self-reliance. They spend their lives learning lessons very different from the ones you lean, and many or most of them will envy you and this envy will express itself as contempt. It's a cheap trick of unhappy people, and if you understand it for what it is, you need not adopt or be overly saddened by their view of you. It is the view of the folks on the verandah talking about the lazy slaves."

David Mamet - True and False - 1998 - p. 110

I think this can be true of any artist of any background: writer; musician; painter; sculptor; designers; etc. etc.

Remember kids, always follow your dreams, ignore the naysayers, follow them!

Peace, Love, Unity.

XxxxXxxxX

Acting

"Find your mark, look the other fellow in the eye, and tell the truth"

- James Cagney

So Blogging

Ok, so I've tried to avoid doing this for quite some time but you know what fuck it I'm gonna cave. All I've ever done previously is post poetry and crap on my myspace ( http://www.myspace.com/the_last_punk ) but I figured I'd do this.

Noone will probably read this ever but you know what, if they do then grand and welcome to my boring life; which I've been told might not be so boring if seen through other people eyes.

So who am I? Well I'm a 20 year old student of ye olde University of Birmingham studying a BA in Drama and Theatre Arts (which is slowly killing me) and I use my spare time to write poetry/song lyrics, act, play football (badly), watching comedians on youtube, repeatedly attempting (and failing) to start bands (that said the one I've got lined up at the moment may work out), going to gigs, eating too much pizza and generally making a prat of myself. I'm probably acquainted with far too many famous people and I've recently gone Vegetarian, which wasn't nearly as hard as I expected (probably given that the standard of meat I can afford at uni is crap and so the fake "meats" actually don't taste too bad) and I'm considering going Vegan one day. That won't be for a while though as I simply cannot give up Pizza and can't find soy cheese Pizzas anywhere.

I talk too much and essentially ramble as silence both confuses and scares me. As Strindberg once said "silence cannot conceal anything... unlike words". You have to be very comfortable with someone to be able to sit there in silence with them. It could even be argued that I'm a bit of an old romantic and often wish I could just sweep a girl of her feet with words of beauty, and love, and life, but unfortunately that seems to be frowned upon these days.

So why did I start this today then? Well I bought some chocolate earlier (a rare occurrence in my life) and it had something quite nice written on the inside that I wanted to share with you (whoever you are you weirdo who found my blog, thanks btw :-P )

"...Here it is. That inexplicable, elemental tug. That surprising sudden feeling you've been waiting for. This is yesyesyes. This is where you find something or someone, and just fall for them. Illogically. Irresistibly. And find yourself thinking of nothing else. Because it's attraction, and the dream of love to follow, that keeps the imagination alive. It's attraction that makes life sparkle and pop and fizz...

Never stop falling in love..."

Now I thought that was just an amazing thing to read on the inside of a chocolate bar and it kind of took me by surprise. I could be described as "crushing" at the moment as I've met a girl, who just blew my mind when I first met her. She's beautiful, smart, funny, interested in similar sorts of music and generally just a nice person. Unfortunately I don't think she feels the same about me and it fucking hurts. I sometimes wish I could just travel back to that first night we met and do something differently, but, I can't. Maybe she does like me back, or maybe she may end up liking me back but we're both very busy at the moment so I have no way of just sitting down and talking to her. I don't want to freak her out as I know she's had bad experiences with guys in the past and I don't want to end up like that with her. It's frustrating to say the least

Still I've only got two more uni assesments then second year is done and it's now only 12 days till Anti-Flag and the King Blues and 13 days till Slam Dunk Festival (if I get on the guest list) so I'm very excited as to what the next month holds.

Well I've rambled on now in what was essentially a "figure out what the fuck I'm doing" blog so I best sign off.  So with the theme of love clearly being a leitmotif in this post, I thought I'd end with a love related song quote. Billy Talent - Surrender: 

"Killing time before she struts her stuff

She needs support and I've become the crutch
She'll never know how much she means to me
I'd play the game but I'm the referee

...

Even though I know what I'm looking for
She's got a brick wall behind her door
I'd travel time and confess to her
But I'm afraid she'd shoot the messenger"

Peace, Love, Unity.

XxxxXxxxX